Fight against cancer

‘Fight against cancer. Don’t give up.’ someone says.

Feel strange. I didn’t fight against cancer.

I did neither try to win, nor be defeated.

No one knows why cancer was. But it was and was part of body, not alien.

It just did not grow in harmony with other cells, had a bit too much ambition.

Like me?

How to fight myself? Who win? Who loose?

Cease-fire. Study myself. Let cause walk out.

*

Denial doesn’t change life. Acceptance is a way to change.

Accept what I did, what I am and what I need to let go.

Heal in peace.

*

がんと闘う

「がんと闘うんだ。諦めてはいけない」とひとは言う。

違和感。私はがんと闘ったりはしなかった。勝ちもしなかったし、負けもしなかった。

＊

がんの原因は誰にもわからない。それは、かつて私の中にあって、私の一部だった。

エイリアンじゃない。

ただ、他の細胞と調和して育たなかっただけ。強い望みがあったのかもしれないね。

わたしみたいに？

自分と闘うの？誰が勝って、誰が負けるの？

闘ったりしない。自分を知る、あらためる。

＊

拒否では自分は変えられない。認めることが変化への一歩だ。

過去の、そして現在の自分、手放すべきものを認め、許す。

静かに癒してゆく。

＊

At the eye of typhoon

It is middle of flood season in Bangkok, end of typhoon season in Japan.

Heavy rain. Strong wind. Worries. People are running.

But at the very center of typhoon, there is a calm sunny place.

Stand straight at the very center. That is very narrow.

Gravity straight though from crown of head to the points between inside of heels.

Calm and still. Only from there world can be seen clearly.

*

Matters, worries, ambitions are surrounding me, spiraling in high speed, inviting.

By only half stepping out, or even loosing slightly balance, drawn into the spinal.

Busy busy busy. I need to do this, do that. Forgot whole view. Manipulated.

*

Find own center. World is spinning, showing what it is.

Take what is really needed without loosing own center.

That is harder work. But calm and sunny there.

*

I wanna progress

He push my thigh and said ‘You wanna progress, right? Work here.’

I felt strange in his word, asked myself

‘Do I wanna progress?’

Yes. Everyone wanna progress. Sure for the people who pay, walk into yoga class.

Yes. When I find I can make the pose which I couldn’t, I’m happy for my progress.

Still that idea is not in me.

*

Seeking progress brings mind in past and future. Outward.

Mind tries to make progress, gets success or failure, keep waving.

Body is ordered and tensed.

*

Watching own existence keeps mind in this moment. Inward.

Body works by its instinct. Mind is off duty, quiet.

Progress may happens of its accord. Bliss comes.

Or progress may not. Still watch deeply. There is something to see.

I wanna see who I am.

*

I replied with just smile. Exhaled. Watched inward for finding my answer.

*

Ant’s hell

An insect, called Ant’s hell, waits ants falling down sand slope- towards the bottom-its nest.

Once ant slides down, there is no way getting out.

Ant’s hell too, as it can move only backward.

*

It keeps toxins in its body until it emergence into a mayfly, fly away from own hell.

*

I’m so helpless. Love me. Pity me.

Someone manipulate others by using love, pity and correctness.

keep their own in their dark hell, spelling negative chants

still are happy for being enveloped warm safe comfortable self-pity.

*

I recall my days in hell, know dragging them out is no use.

World looked cold scary place

until emergence, renounced all belongings.

*

World is challenging, vast and blight.

Fly over their nest, calling positive chants of life

wishing they listen.

*